I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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