Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
