He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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