If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
