if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
