You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I lost the right to judge tonight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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