she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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