O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She bit a glass in half.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
