Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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