Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
