The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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