you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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