He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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