Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
