When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
