went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
