I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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