areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
