my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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