marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
