Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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