Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
