i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
