awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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