Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
