please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
