I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
