is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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