i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
