Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
