theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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