Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
