you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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