HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
