Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did i walk over a car last night?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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