Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can't talk, ducks in the car
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
