my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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