we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
