Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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