Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
