Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drake has all the answers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
