Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
