sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
