Will you blow on my dice?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
