rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
