Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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