He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
