well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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