I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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