wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
