Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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