Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
